The Savage Report

An Insight into the life and times of the Blue Band SNCO

or

Hair today... gone tomorrow

A true story by Steve Savage aged 283.5 dog years

"For a change, I actually had this edition's victim pre-planned. You see the gentleman concerned had witnessed all my previous literary efforts first hand and often felt the need to pass comment, not all of it complimentary, so I felt it was payback time. The victim this time was to be Sgt Bugler Mark Snell, the Blue Band SNCO."

I trundled off to inform Mark of my decision and to my surprise, and disappointment it has to be said, he was quite up for it. So much for payback! Within minutes he had a copy of 'The Life and Times of Mark Snell' sitting on my desk. I read the offending article but realised there wasn't enough incriminating material, so I popped around to see Mark and said I wanted to relay a couple of amusing anecdotes to my adoring reader. He invited me to take a seat, negative coffee it has to be said, and started relaying some stories, and without putting too fine a point on it, Mark could be the Captain of the Olympic 'ditting' team. Boy, did he go on...

What felt like a weekend, but was in fact an hour, flew past and I sat there wondering if some things he'd recounted were in fact really true, and indeed whether some were physically possible. Still, I had the info I required so I returned to my office.

Mark, or 'Deli' as he is often known, joined the Band Service as a Bugler in 1980, in the same troop as WO1 Gavin Martin, Drum Major 'Wiggy' Whitwam, and Colour Sergeant Graham Vaughan. Now this surprised me as I thought that the other three miscreants were that old the only Snell they would've joined up with would have been 'Hannah'. Anyway, having completed training, he first served in the Staff Band at Deal and then moved to Chatham. While there, he passed his B2s exam before moving with the Band to RAF Northolt. A swift draft back to Deal ensued and the Band embarked on a 3 month tour of the USA. During this tour, Mark and Gaz Cretch decided to form a co-operative and supply the guys with sandwiches - for a small fee of course! This conglomerate became known as 'Snelly's Deli & Garry's Galley'. Tommy Lawton obviously realised that it took less facial muscle movements to say 'Deli' than his previous nickname 'Snelly', so it stuck.

Mark eventually attended the Junior Command Course at CTCRM. During this particular visit to the health farm, Mark had a little accident. 'Twas the evening of the night NAVEX and Mark decided to demonstrate the art of performing a fireman's whistle to the Course. Now, for the uninitiated - and please don't try this at home - a fireman's whistle is a trick performed by taking the middle out of a Zippo lighter, placing it in your mouth, lighting it and then blowing out hard. This apparently forces a wall of fire out in front of you in rather spectacular fashion... unless of course you're Mark and the lighter fuel has spilled out all over your chops! There was Mark stood like a Roman candle with his hair ablaze and his course-mates taking turns to wallop him around the head in an attempt to beat out the flames. Oh, how they laughed on the way to the Burns Unit. Only kidding, by all accounts the fuel evaporated very quickly and Mark was only left with a very mildly barbecued head. (Secondary title now explained!) I asked Mark why he had decided to do this. He replied that he was young, impetuous and… a Bugler. Argue with that if you can! He obviously entertained the Training Team as Mark came top of the course and was thus awarded the Command Trophy - presumably for stupidity in the face of adversity!

Promotion arrived and Mark decided that his next calling was the Drum Major's course. Having passed, he went on to serve as the Assistant Drum Major to Mick Saywell and John O'Connell in the Staff Band at Deal, and in the same appointment to Andy Bridges in Scotland and Steve Muddiman in Portsmouth. Having passed his Senior Command Course, it seemed definite that being a fully-fledged Drum Major was on the cards. There was only one further hurdle to get over, the B1s Course. Actually, you had better make that two hurdles as he failed his first B1s and had to undergo a retake. As it happens, the second hurdle proved to be a little too high as well. Unperturbed, Mark returned to his daily routine. It was around this time that Mark began to develop an interest in IT and made it his business to learn as much as he could about computers. His first major achievement in the world of IT was to build a Company Records Database, however, he failed to get planning permission and it had to be pulled down! Mark then had his first taste of the publication world as with encouragement from his then Boss Lt Henderson, ADOM of Staff Band, he designed a Programme for the Biennial Inspection of Staff Band. From this point on there was no stopping him.

During his time in Portsmouth Band, he heard that the Blue Band SNCOs job was coming up for grabs and so he applied for it. Not that he needed to as Captain Henderson, by now the new Editor, had already earmarked him due to his previous work in Deal. Also, Mark's Boss recommended him saying that he was the only man with enough experience and skills in the world of IT to undertake such a challenging role. True, but added to this was the fact that this job would ensure that he never got near a Bugle again! A win, win situation then. Needless to say Mark got the job and he hasn't looked back.

Mark's first job was to begin work on the Blue Band Magazine. By way of a handover he sat in on his first publication, Jon Brier's last. There was a mutual agreement between Mark and the new Editor that he should undertake some IT courses in order to offer the best service. First stop was a QuarkXpress course, which dealt with the laying up and design of the Magazine itself, swiftly followed by a course in Adobe PhotoShop at RAF Cosford. The skills gained on these courses enabled Mark to automate many of the design functions and greatly enhance photographic imagery for the Magazine, but more of that later.

One of the other responsibilities of the Blue Band SNCO was, at that time anyway, to run the Blue Band Fund. This bothered Mark considerably as he would be the first to admit that he didn't know his assets from his elbow. This meant another trip to CTCRM to undertake the Service Funds Account Course. Having returned victorious he was ready to crack on with the job in hand.

Now, we all know what a superb publication the Blue Band Magazine is - despite the inclusion of my articles, and it doesn't happen by accident. It is a huge team effort between the Editor, Mark and the Blue Band Subscriptions Secretary Mrs Ann Day. The initial job is to collate the articles from all Bands, VBIs and other contributors. Some of these arrive electronically or on disc, which Mark has to transfer, copy and paste onto Ann's computer. The articles and letters that arrive in hard copy are also passed to Ann. Ann then types out everything that may possibly be included in the Magazine and passes it all over to the Editor for proofing and selection. Concurrently, Mark scans any photos that are going to be used and converts them into digital images and stores them on his computer. Once the Editor's selection has been made Mark, in conjunction with the Editor, then page manages the articles, photographs, letters, advertisements, titles etc until he has a working draft. Mark and the Editor continuously work on this together until they are both happy with the results. Once the working draft has been agreed upon, it is then scanned by any available members of the Headquarters Staff. Once they have cast fresh eyes over it, it is returned to Mark and the Editor for any further amendments. The draft then goes to Liz LeGrove, the Academic Professor at Higher Training for a final fresh look-over. Mark and the Editor then get it back for the last time, finalise the finished draft and it is given the Editor's seal of approval. Now, from receiving the raw text to producing the final draft usually takes upwards of two weeks. I've witnessed this process on many occasions and believe me a couple of lines in this article cannot in any way describe its complexity or give due credit to Mark for his part in the process, his hard work or his commitment. With the final draft in place, it, along with the cover artwork is finally sent to the printers. The printing process takes approximately one week. On its return, it's all hands to the pump as the Blue Band team, plus anyone else who can be co-opted, bag up, frank and despatch the Blue Band to some 2000 Magazine subscribers around the World.

As an example of Mark's extraordinary skills in the field of graphics, have a look at the 2 photographs at the end of this article. In the first you can see that the Bugler in the foreground is nearly legless - no change there then! In the other photo, (which was a previous Front Cover) they have miraculously appeared. The Editor, having singled out the original image as a potential front cover shot said to Mark in an off the cuff way "I don't suppose you could cut and paste a pair of feet could you?".

At this point I'll leave Mark to explain what he did:

"Six hours of total concentration that's what! The grey sky was easy, just a case of erasing the grey and slipping a pale blue sky with soft clouds into place. Then I came across what turned out to be the main problem, getting the paving to grow with a seamless join. In the original photo the paving changed in colour inch by inch in every direction. I eventually copied the largest areas I could find and flipped them over and patched them in, in various layers, before blending the layers with masks to create the final pavement. At one point I had over 20 layers on the paving alone. I copied parts of the crack in the pavement and extended them for a more realistic look. With the paving area created it was a case of constructing feet and shadows. There was only one pair of feet that could really be used and they were the feet of the Bugler to the left of the subject Bugler in the foreground as you look at the image. I cloned them and blended them into the new trousers. Matching the trouser colour was a major task because the shadows were different. Luckily the Bugler I copied from had a drum, a blessing, but he didn't have a complete shadow! If you look closely, you will be able to see the fault here. The first part of the subject's shadow is that of the other Bugler, but the top part of the shadow is that of a Drum Major, out of shot on his right. The front Bugler's shadow therefore has a sword basket if you look closely".

The front cover image before...

... and after!

Quite remarkable I'm sure you'll agree, and how many of you would have known if I hadn't pointed it out?

My reader may have noticed that Mark would have a lot of time on his hands if that were all that he did. I can assure you that it is not.

Mark's other major project is the Band Service Website. If you haven't visited www.royalmarinesbands.co.uk, then you should give it a whirl as it is an extremely professional and informative site. The idea of a Band Service Website was originally conceived by Major Barrie Mills, the then Editor, and the previous Blue Band SNCO, Jon Brier. Two guys serving in Plymouth Band, Musicians 'Bart' Simpson and Steve Wilson expressed an interest in Website construction and so all began to work on the concept, and all credit to them, they did a fine job. Unfortunately, an increasing workload meant that they couldn't dedicate as much time as they would've liked and so at the request of the new Editor, Mark took it over on his own. The Website has evolved considerably since those early days and many different pages have been added, such as New Entry Troop weekly reports, one of Mark's innovative ideas. These reports, which are updated on a weekly basis, enable parents, relatives and friends to see what their kith and kin are getting up to, both by reading the individual reports and by way of photographs taken by the Training Team. Mark has also added a Guest Book, which is one of the most valuable additions in my opinion. This enables those who have surfed in to pass comment on the Website, request further information regarding the Band Service or just to leave messages. But the real beauty of this service is that it has enabled many long lost friends to get in touch again especially when they live across the continents. Both of these additions have proved to be a great success. A further addition is the posting of the previous edition of the Blue Band Magazine, handy in case my reader missed out on my previous literary masterpiece. Mark constantly assesses the need for further pages in order to give the surfing public as much information as possible in the most professional of settings.

Along with the Website comes a plethora of assorted e-mails. Some are personal, some request information about Bands, some are general musical enquiries and some are, well, entertaining to say the least. Mark recalls one from foreign climes that just said: "Hello, I like the Marines Band. I want to be friendly with you." Mmm. Another said: "I have a Royal Marines badge from a hat or something. Can you tell me what it is and what it is from?" Unfortunately they never sent a photograph! Of course, all e-mails are replied to, which is a fairly time consuming affair, as is the maintenance of the IT system itself and in particular, ridding the system of a virus. The problem being that with so many e-mails coming in from all around the planet, it is only a matter of time until a contaminated e-mail pitches up. Thankfully, Mark is in possession of the most up-to-date anti-virus software, but cleaning up his system is only one part of it. Mark, being only too willing to help people out, then contacts the sender with the information regarding the virus explaining how to get rid of it from their system too. Because the original sender sees that Mark is a bit of an IT Guru, they often e-mail back again asking further questions on other IT problems that they have! A victim of his own success!

Mark is also heavily involved in the production of Band Service CDs. Such are his skills that he now produces the artwork for all home-grown Band Service Recordings. The artwork for the MFM CD for example, takes approximately two weeks to produce although the basic graphics, design and colour scheme will have already been decided upon between Mark and Capt Henderson. The reason for this is that the final edit of the track listing needs to be made prior to the programme notes, photo selection, and track timings being added to the cover. Once this has occurred, page management and proof reading are again done at top speed in order for the CD to go to press and therefore be available for the customer at the earliest opportunity.

Mark is kept busy in between times by undertaking a multitude of extraneous tasks which include: producing programmes of music for the Winter and Spring Concert series for Higher Training, producing the Order of Service for the Band Service Memorial Service, and producing menus and table plans for Top Table dinners and official functions. On top of this, he also helps maintain a recorded library of new music for the Corps of Drums, provides support and assistance to the RM Museum and the RM Historical Society, provides assistance in the production of Power Point presentations and basically helps anyone who needs to utilise his remarkable IT skills.

There is no doubt that Mark is a total professional and unique to the Band Service in this field. As such he has gained the utmost respect both from his colleagues and from those he assists via the Website. Never content to rest on his Globe & Laurels he continues to further improve his skills.

Talking of education reminds me that when Mark settled in Gosport, his step daughter, Victoria, was sent to boarding school. At her new school, Victoria befriended a girl whose father, it transpired, was a PW1 in the Corps. A weekend at home loomed and the girls decided to ask their respective fathers whether they knew each other. On their return, Victoria told her friend that Mark had recognised the name but that was it. Victoria's friend then replied that her Dad didn't recognise Mark's name at all. In fact the only contact he had ever had with the Band Service was while he was serving on the Training Team at CTCRM. However, he did vaguely remember one idiot of a Bugler who set his head alight just before a night NAVEX! Small world isn't it?